that I love my boyfriend A LOT =]] our relationship is so freakin amazing im gonna have a heart attack!! lol

do you do this to me?

i didnt realize how much you were on my mind until i tried to forget about you, everything i see, everything i hear i can relate to you and ive been going insane.

i cant believe things came down to this, nothing will ever be the same again, its not fair. i feel so paranoid, you could be out doing anything and everything at all and i wouldnt know, and if you did something really bad, would you even tell me? i dont think you would, because if u knew u could get away with it, why say it. i feel like im SO much more loyal than you are. pleeeeease keep me in mind these days that we dont talk.

my heart and soul are empty weights in my chest, i can never breathe, i feel SO alone and lost. you have completely changed my perspective on how i look at you.

Hurry down the chimney tonight.

I think God opened my eyes today, to show me that my relationship is true and real, that I can trust my boo without any worries, and we’ll go a long way. I am SOOOO extremely thankful every day for what I have with him, I have never been so happy in my whole life, ive never felt more at home with someone. I couldnt spend a day without talking to him. I miss him when im not with him, and i feel like my hearts gone until i see him again. he lights up my life in so many ways and inspires me and teaches me things. how did i get so lucky? =]]] i hope things dont change, and that he’ll be with me forever and love me as much as he loves me now or more. <333333 I LOVE YOU ADAM, you’re my everything, your in me, and i live for you. thank you so much baby for being mine and letting me into your life.

btw, school has SUCKED.

I find that when I make mistakes, they always have to be the huge ones. I go overboard, and dont think before I act in the most important times. I always catch myself off guard and think oh my gosh did i just say/do that? But idk… im retarded, and i hate it when it happens, but its life, nothing can be perfect. i will always be doing the same things over and over again, and i will always fall into my trap of stupidity. im so sorry i did that to you, idk why, i need to learn from past mistakes to just say fuck it and just let whatever happens happen. im way too controling, and i pay way to much attention to the details. i think thats my biggest fault with us. but i also think there is more to you that needs fixing than with me. i wish more people knew how to open there eyes to themselves and change there negative aspects. im not afraid to confront my shitty side and change the way i am about things. idk why its so hard for you, you always say youre perfectly fine, the finger is always at me. and now look what happened, if you had only just left me alone about being perfect, none of this wouldve happened, and id probably be happier and more secure. thanks a lot.

• At the moment i am not doing very well. Work was so busy i couldnt even think for a second. Thank you orientation, for being so difficult, and thank you mexicans, for coming to america without learning ENGLISH.
• My wonderful handsome boyfriend is not being very nice to me today. This usually happens when he is out with his friends. I dont know why guys have to be rude to there gfs infront of there friends, Im just clueless about that. Because when were alone, hes amazing, and perfect and im just like, why cant you be like always? But i guess no one is pefect.
• At home things are plain, usual, and quiet. Nothing new. My parents seem to speak less and less to me. Am I lucky? or no?
• SO MUCH is on my mind, i wonder if ill ever just get a break from it all and just take a time off for me. Just to get myself all in one peice again. To breathe and say ok, bring it on. Cause right now, im tired…EXHAUSTED, hopeless, friendless, and worthless. Please God, pull me out of this and lighten my life. Open my eyes to the brighter things and let me find my center of stability again.

Sometimes I wonder how I even make it through the day, they’re so long and boring and I’m constantly looking at the clock. I just wish it would be Friday already, all I want to do is see Adam and spend time with him before school starts. I feel so rushed and that I have to plan everything all in one day and I just can’t breathe. Ugh, I just need a day to myself. Hopefully Saturday will be relaxing.

hearing songs i used to love that i havent listened to in forever.

not motivated to do a single thing but sit around. very tired.

looking forward to tomorrow, orientation. i hope hope HOPE ill have classes with my friends!! or ill die =]

<3